An Eye-Opening Honeymoon! ~ Part 2
- Yosemite Me
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
" . . . there must have been a countless host [of brides] from first to last who have gone away to remote places taking nothing but new shoes with them, and have in consequence found the flowery paths of dalliance through wood and vale less of a rapturous delight than of an obligation to be fulfilled in order to avoid disappointing the new husband. And yet every one of these brides has performed her act of self-denial with some tiny shade of difference from all the rest.”
HONEYMOONS, By J.E. Buckrose
My grandfather, Matt, could hardly wait to spend two weeks tent camping in Yosemite in July 1922 following his marriage to his bride-to-be, Tillie. His letters to her indicated his high expectations as the adventure approached and his plans solidified (See Part 1 of this story by clicking here). However, I cannot say the same would be true for Tillie.
That is not to say Tillie did not want to spend time with her new husband after the wedding. It’s just that, as noted in the quote above from the February 1922 issue of Good Housekeeping, camping in Yosemite may not have been her idea of a “rapturous delight.” Rather, her willingness to join Matt there likely indicated, as was true of many brides in her day, acquiescence to “self-denial” so her new husband, gung-ho on the whole camping experience, would not be disappointed.
Of course, being in Yosemite for the first time assures that visitors will encounter many eye-opening experiences. The same could be said about marriage, including Matt and Tillie’s marriage. Their courtship progressed primarily through handwritten letters and face-to-face interaction from a few visits each month. Matt lived in Corona, CA and Tillie lived in Glendale, over 50 miles away and an hour’s drive on today’s freeways. Matt’s letters never indicated they spoke by phone (Reader’s Digest reports that, even in 1940, owning a telephone was considered a luxury).
Getting to know someone can be hard enough, even with the modern means of communication available today, such as texting or video conferencing. Yet, imagine the level of individual peculiarities that go unrevealed in letters and personal visits when everyone is on their best behavior, not to mention having their eyes veiled by infatuation. Surely, the old adage applies then as it does today: “love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener”!
Some of those eye-opening experiences may have focused on the differences between Matt’s and Tillie’s upbringings. Matt, being a farmer, likely found adapting to the outdoors an easier task than Tillie. Tillie, on the other hand, a “city dweller,” may have quickly assessed the inconveniences of tent camping in 1922 to be somewhat annoying. Additionally, adjusting to her own expectations and idiosyncrasies of her new husband surely facilitated the association of her first visit to Yosemite as an eye-opening experience!
This is not to “pigeon-hole” my grandmother as a woman inferior or less capable than my grandfather. Far from it. Her upbringing included the finer things of life, as some might say, and it differed significantly from Matt’s background of farming and the outdoors. For example, Tillie graduated from the University of Minnesota in May 1918 with a bachelor’s degree in Science, Literature, and Art. She could easily be described as a “woman of the arts” and found reading to be a great joy.
Tillie also excelled as a pianist and vocalist. Tillie’s sister, Leora, also an accomplished vocalist, auditioned before the great Austrian-American operatic dramatic contralto, Mme. Ernestine Schuman-Heinke, during the time when the renowned vocalist searched for a successor as she neared her retirement from performing.
So, Tillie’s family set their sights on pursuing goals that produced fewer tangible results compared to what a farmer would produce, but, no doubt, equally rewarding. Tillie worked as a teacher prior to getting married, sharing her love of music as a piano instructor and teaching other related subjects. She busied herself with practicing the performing arts and assisted others to do the same. Oddly, I found no mention of that in Matt’s letters to her.
Matt mentions an expectation of his future “little wife” related to darning socks. His sarcastic words would assuredly fuel the ire of a “modern-day” woman in regard to his expectations of a wife. He wrote,
“Saw Phil and Iva Sunday for a few minutes. She was darning socks and stockings. Just wait until I see Tillie darn socks and stockings. Won't that be fun to stand and tease her? Will she get angry and send me out of doors? No, she won’t. She will be nice to me, won't she? She may scold a little but that is all.”
Perhaps I am too far removed from 1922 and the culture that existed between men and women to offer an observation. Still, Matt’s words open my eyes to how it might have been. Why would a husband find “fun” in ‘teasing’ his future wife about an activity that obligated her to do as expected, but offered no apparent rewards in itself? I suspect Tillie never darned a sock in her life after that comment!
Then Matt asked her if she could, “. . . take a fish off a hook by yourself or have you ever tried it?”
I do not know how Tillie responded, but something like “No, but can you play Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto No. 1 in synchrony with a full orchestra?” may have opened Matt’s eyes to some finer things in life.
I would never object to anyone planning a honeymoon in Yosemite! Two of my sisters got married and enjoyed their honeymoon amidst the grandeur of the Park! However, if newly married, I think I would skip the tent camping and keep my focus on Yosemite’s eye-opening scenery while not being blind to the adjustment required during those first few weeks of married life.
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